Life Group

On Mondays I have 5-10 kids come to my house for Life Group. Initially this was referred to as a ‘learning group’ but I soon realised the negative connotations the word ‘learning’ had for kids that had previously attended school. Learning was associated with arduous and meaningless tasks. Learning was forced and there was no control in how learning could occur. Learning would spark anxiety in their minds and cause them to put up barriers before they had even arrived. Learning occurs best when we are engaged and enjoying ourselves and if I wanted any chance of the kids excited to be coming and receptive to the activities and conversations then the name had to change. ‘Life Group’ was born. Essentially that’s exactly what we do any way, we just live life together for four hours on a Monday and experience whatever learnings come our way.

I had big ideas for how this group would run. I had mentally planned all the incredible projects we would work on…but as we know, kids like to make you question every thing and in the best way possible that is what they did. I realised my ‘teacher hat’ and school mindset were still strong and the grand plans and visions I had for this group were only possible in a school setting. Life group fast tracked my personal deschooling journey and these wonderful kids quickly taught me a few incredible lessons!

1.You can’t just ask nicely

We say we want kids to have a choice and an opinion but do we really mean it? How do we feel when they tell us no and refuse to entertain the idea? I have become very used to hearing the word no and simply allowing it to exist without judgement. You often rarely hear the word no at school from students because they know they don’t actually have a choice. It’s writing time now whether they like it or now. In Life Group though you can’t just say it with a smile and ask nicely and expect them to comply. These kids know their voice is valued, and know they have a true choice. They say no to many of my suggestions, so we find one they are happy and comfortable doing. Sometimes 3 different activities are going on at once and it’s pretty magic watching them truly engage in their activity of choice.  

2. Put kids in charge of everything.

When they decide the activity and when they have full autonomy over their choices they show up. They engage and learning flows effortlessly. They talk about the activity, they compliment each others work and they try their best. The moment you try to force it walls go up and once the walls go up they are hard to break through.

3. Go slow.

I was worried how I would fill the time. Thinking of 6 different activities to do with them and mentally planning a schedule to ‘keep us on track’. It was hard not to worry that parents would expect their kids to be producing and churning out work. That is what I was conditioned to do. In a school environment it’s fast passed, we have a lot to get through, a lot of boxes to check and we move on quickly even if you aren’t finished and even if all the students are engaged. Here, we have the luxury of time. We go slow, we unpack ideas, we talk about our day, our feelings and everything in-between. I want to hear their long winded stories about their favourite toy and allow them the time to immerse themselves in a water colour painting or Lego building. I quickly released any expectations I had around a timetable and now plan for 3 things. A cooking activity, a craft activity and a walk in nature. The rest we just plan as we go with the input of the kids. Go slow and allowing myself to be truly present with these kids as opposed to clock watching and ticking boxes is a true gift.

I know the kids gain a lot from our sessions but I hope they truly know how grateful I am to them for fast tracking my own personal deschooling progress and teaching me every week. To think that we know better than a child is simply incorrect. If we let our guard down and allow them in, they will show us the way every single time.

Thank you to every single child that has ever participated in Life Group - a special place in my heart always!

Always Living Free,

Emilly