First Day of...unschool?

Today is the day he would’ve started school. I know exactly how it would’ve gone because this is how I envisioned my life going ever since I decided I wanted kids.

I would’ve spent yesterday afternoon making all of his favourite snacks; chocolate chip cookies, pancakes and bliss balls. I would’ve bought all his favourite fruit ready to cut fresh in the morning. Mango, apple and kiwi fruit. I would’ve had his clothes set out the night before sitting next to a lunchbox that he picked with a matching drink bottle. There would be a handwritten note in his lunchbox telling him that I loved him and that I was proud of him. I would’ve hugged him all night long. I would’ve silently sobbed as I realised my baby was no longer a baby, but a boy, about to start school and venture off on his own. We would’ve woken up in the morning to a bag already packed and his lunchbox ready to go. Hand in hand we would walk him into his classroom, place his school bag on his hook and show him where his drink bottle needed to go. We would have had a final embrace and then I’d leave and wave goodbye. I’d eagerly wait for the 3:30pm bell so I could watch his little body, overshadowed by his school bag, run down the hall and into my arms. We would chat the whole way home in the car and I would discover all the activities he got up to for the 6 long hours he was away and that would be it. His first day done. I know exactly how it would have gone.

In another world that would have been our reality. Instead, he is still in his pyjamas sitting at the table with pancakes that he spent ages perfecting and a juice that he freshly squeezed. He is crafting and playing with his sister at the same time too. All the other 5 years olds are currently sitting on the floor in their school uniforms meeting their classmates and mine is oblivious to what school even is. He has know idea as to how life could have looked for him had we not made the entirely different decision to unschool him. Soon he’s off to gymnastics with his dad, will visit his Nana and have a play with a friend. Nothing like school at all.

See, even though I am beyond pleased that we have chosen an unschooling life and that I get to spend every waking moment with him by my side I am still allowed to mourn the fact that I will never get to drop him off at school. I will never pack his lunchbox the same way, I will never do readers with him at night, and I will never pick him up from school and have him run into my arms. I don’t actually want any of those things, but I spent such a long part of my life believing that is how it would look and our life is a far cry from readers before bed and school uniforms. The decision to unschool is the best choice we have made for our family but today I find myself mourning the path I thought we would take.